Gabriel…again

Gabe died this morning. I haven’t talked to Renee yet, but a friend of hers posted it on Bubbs. I don’t know how she knew…maybe they were all on AOL or something. But he died. I don’t know what happened to make it go so fast…I heard two weeks on Thursday, then I woke up and checked email this morning and read that Renee had posted yesterday that he was really bad and probably wouldn’t last the weekend, and then Holly’s post that he died this morning.

I’m sure it’s better this way, not having him lay there suffering for another week or two…and I’m sure it’s easier overall on his family, not having to watch so much. God is merciful. Yet a little light went out in the world this morning. Even still, the darkness will not win. Gabe’s death makes the cause of light stronger, because it was so clearly wrong. It was so clear that a 6-year old who was full of life and love and wings (Cummings will forgive me, I think) should NOT be dying, should not have to suffer so much, and that the family who loved him, who had taken him into their homes and their hearts should not then have to watch helplessly as he was slowly wrenched away. So Gabe, in his unique way, has strengthened Light this morning, because who wouldn’t fight against this?

I keep thinking about dying that young and whether it’s a good or a bad thing. I mean, Gabe missed so much. He missed so many moments of joy and wonder and happiness and light, but he also missed moments of pain, of betrayal and hurt and competition. It’s mixed. Everything about life is, I’m noticing. I think it would be better for him to have lived…that’s what he was created to do…but then again, death is the end of life…and his just came faster. So I really don’t know.

And there’s a let down in this death already, even for me. Sure, the next week will be full and difficult, but what then? How will they find meaning in the everyday tasks when they’ve spent so much in time, energy, and effort in loving Gabriel for the last 7-8 months? How will Renee go back to school? How will Mike leave home?

So many questions. Too many questions (now it’s Robert Redford who must forgive). But they all have answers. If I didn’t believe that, I’d lose my mind.

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