The first thing that happened this week, the one I’ve told the story about so many times that I’m really over it, except not today so I feel ready to blog about it, is that Dave found his housemate dead on Tuesday morning. This was not a guy he knew AT ALL, and he did not commit suicide as far as we know, but it was a bizarre, disturbing situation on several levels. There’s a whole story that goes along with this, but I’ll let you ask Dave for that one. Or you could as me and hope that I’m in the mood to tell it. The whole situation was surreal, and still is to some extent, but that’s what happened.
The second thing that happened this week is that Torrey decided not to do a spiritual formation program in the fall. I’m writing this now because I’m finally to the point where I don’t think I’m in danger of saying something that I don’t want said publicly. At the same time, I’m pissed and disappointed, because I put a lot of work into thinking about that, meeting with people, and proposing it, and I feel like I pretty much had a green light from the top, so I’m not sure what happened.
The truth is that I wasn’t counting on it. Torrey is like that sometimes, and I know that. But I was hoping and praying that it would happen, and I did think that something would probably happen, even if it wasn’t what I proposed. Instead, they pulled back completely. It wasn’t a, “No, never,” but a, “We’re really not sure what we think about this and how it fits in with everything else we’re doing so we want to think about it more, and we don’t have the time to think about it this semester, so we just won’t start next fall.”
I don’t know what happened, nor do I know the politics involved (though I can guess at some of them), but I’m sad. I’m sad because I wanted to do it, but I’m also sad because I wanted it for their students. My experience at Torrey would have been even better than it already was if there had been a program like the one I wanted to start in place, and I wanted to give that to the current students. I feel like we’re all missing out on an opportunity that would have been good for all of us.
On the other hand, I gave this project to God a long time ago. Back when it felt like what he wanted but the doors for conversations weren’t opening, I told him that it was his, and that if it was going to happen, he was going to have to open the doors, because I didn’t want to bang down anything that he didn’t want open. And he opened the doors, and I went through them, as far as I could. I really feel like he’s still in this project, even now, and like he’s taking this somewhere. So we’ll see. Meanwhile, I’m praying for hearts there to be truly opened.
I also have seen God do enough, in my, in my life, and in the lives of those around me, in the last several years, though particularly in the last year, to know that he’s truly moving among us. He’s taking it all somewhere, so what seems like failure and lostness and confusion is so often, and so quickly, turned into good. So God has something going on here, for me and for Torrey. I really sense that the story isn’t over. Sometimes I wish I knew the end of it, but I know it’s not over.